i’m feeling MUCH better!
i’ve been eating healthier, taking care of myself, and yesterday i took some time in the morning to do what i wanted to do (cook a healthy breakfast & go tanning). from now on i’m spending more time doing little things that make ME happy, and i’m not going to sacrifice that for anyone else. trying to fall in love with myself again :)
i need to make myself happy. i’m not happy. this needs to change.
As promised, here are some pictures of Lyalya’s first walk outside! Look at the bushy little squirrel tail :D the sandpit was her favorite spot! She was extremely excited and threw sand all over the place
this is a fucking squirrel. this is a fucking squirrel with a cat’s head. who is responsible for this
I’m 99% sure someone photoshopped a cat and squirrel together otherwise I’ll take ten of these weirdo babies.
I need a squirrel cat so badly
WOW i want this cat so much. so fucking adorable
relationships & happiness
my life with tyler has taken a negative turn, despite all my positive posts over the past few weeks. he’s been unhappy for a while now, not with me, but with his life in general. i’ve been trying my best to be there for him & help pull him out of his slump, but nothing i do seems to be working. he gets mad at me for little things, and then when i get upset (because i’m a sensitive person) he’ll call me a baby & yell at me for “not having thicker skin”. i KNOW life is hard when you’re depressed, i’ve been there. so i don’t want to blame him for lashing out at me. but it’s really taking a toll on my self-confidence & overall happiness with our relationship/my life. sometimes our fights get so bad that i try to leave his house just because my brain can’t handle the fighting anymore, & he’ll say things like “you fucked up” & “i can’t believe i ever let you into my life”, etc. again, i’m trying not to take any of that to heart. but it’s so hard to hear that stuff when i love him so much & i’m trying SO hard to put myself aside so i can make him happy. i’m always going to see him after work, i’m always saving money so we can go out on adventures, & it still feels like nothing i do can make him happy. he never wants to leave his room or even TRY to experience life with me. & then i miss out on experiencing my life, & i’m left with no time for myself.
i don’t really know what the point of this post is. i guess i just needed to vent & organize my thoughts. we got in another big fight last night & i (like always) ended up apologizing for upsetting him & coming back inside to try to have a normal night. i’m just so tired of trying so hard & getting nowhere. i don’t want to lose him…like i’ve given so much of myself to this relationship & i really do see us being happy together for good in the future, once he can pull himself out of this downward spiral. i just don’t know what else i can do, or what i’m supposed to do with myself right now. maybe we need some space for a little bit?
i just feel like i’m falling with him & i don’t know how to pull either of us up. :/
|15-year-old me:||MOM I'm practically an ADULT ugggh you never let me do ANYTHING in olden times i could get MARRIED *eye roll into another dimension*
|me now:||for my birthday i want food and to stay on your health insurance
"My wants are simple: a job that I like and a guy whom I love."
had an amazing time staying at the cape for my birthday with my boyfriend! it was so relaxing & nice to be on a vacation all on our own :) can’t wait for our next one!
birthday selfies!!!! this is my birthday dress but it’s accidentally too short to wear in public so i figured i’d just post a picture haha. happy happy! headed on vacation soon!
NEED SUGGESTIONS FOR MY FIRST LEGAL 21ST BIRTHDAY DRINK
i’m thinking either a tequila sunset or a cosmopolitan… :) & after i renew my license tomorrow i’m gonna get malibu & patron for my first liquor store purchase. so excited! i don’t drink a lot but it’ll still be fun to go on vacation with tyler for the first time & get a fun drink with dinner!